Are there times in your life when you feel you’re not as ASSERTIVE as you would like to be?
Being assertive, is having the confidence and belief in yourself, and its part of your empowerment journey. You can learn the skills required, you can practice and embed these skills so they become a natural skill. You will start to experience positive results, you will increase positive relationships and you will feel in the flow and will be empowered!
Want to know four steps to becoming more assertive, then keep reading.
OK, I have had enough of this, I am fed up with feeling undermined, over ruled and not being seen or heard!
I want to put my opinion over without being shouted down!
I want to say how it is from side!
I am fed up with putting others’ first before myself!
Becoming aware of our needs in a situations is fundamental step in becoming appropriately assertive. Knowing what our needs are doesn’t mean that we have to demand that they be met. Rather, it means we can make more reasoned choices about appropriate action.
We may want to negotiate to have these needs met in the situation, or we may seek to have them met in some other way, or in some other setting.
We need to be clear about our priority of our needs – perhaps some have to be met now, whereas others can be put on hold for a while.
We may choose in some situations to attend to others needs first; or in such a case, perhaps in meeting someones else’s needs, we may be meeting one of our own superordinate needs(for example, parents will meet their baby’s need for food, not satisfying their own need for sleep, but perhaps satisfying a superordinate need to be a good parent)
To help us acknowledge what our needs are, it can be helpful to have a sense of what it is reasonable and fair for us to expect in a situation.
We may be aware often of others’ claims on us and what they deserve and need, but we may not have a framework of RIGHTS for ourselves.
Consider the following four questions.
Write out your answers, reflect on them ask yourself, ‘what could I be doing differently’?
- Understand your response to each situation? Will you react or respond?
When faced with a difficult situation, there are physical, mental, emotional and behavioural components to our reaction. So ask yourself these 4 questions.
What state of mind are you in?
2. Understand your needs and your rights?
- What are your needs and those of others?
- What do you understand by the term ‘rights’
3. Understand why it is difficult to say what you want with some things to one person and yet not another?
- Identify people you find it difficult to be assertive with
- Identify those who you find it easy to be assertive with
- What are you doing, feeling, experiencing differently between the two?
4. Understand the difference between Aggressive and Assertive Styles of being Assertive
- Identify your style
- What state are you in?
- What words do you use?
- Are you using positive or negative words, closed questions or open questions?
- Whats your and other person body language?
- Are you fully present or planing your next move?
Communication is key to handling situations, where you need to be assertive. A lot of things can go wrong if you are reactive or indeed you are passive. So plan how and what you are going to say, consider your needs and rights and also do not forget the other persons needs and rights!
So if I said you could learn these skills(and more).,create your own Bill of Rights, know how to handle aggressive behavior and NEVER feel undermined again, in only 3 hours. Would you be intrigued?
Then do get in touch for a no obligation chat, so we can see whats the best way forward for you and or your organisation.
Look forward to hearing from you.